February 26, 2010
Toby, our dog, and the two cats, Phoebe and Barnaby, knew something was up because for the past couple of months I hadn't been able to move around the house without tripping over all three of them. They say animals can sniff out cancer so maybe their constant presence underfoot was their way of saying: "Oh mighty goddess, You of the hand that feeds us, Rise and and Heal thyself through our Love and Devotion."
It's not easy coming to grips with having a life-threatening disease when you feel as healthy as I do. I look in the mirror and it's the same old me. Yet there is a little army of cancer cells on a slow patrol in my right breast. Random questions come to mind: Why that particular breast? How long have they been there? Would they go away by themselves if I stopped having wine with dinner? Or promised to stop eating chocolate?
For as long as I can remember, I've done all the right things. Always exercised. Always eaten well, mostly that life-enhancing Mediterranean diet. I was a vegetarian for many years. Did yoga. Laughed a lot with friends. Yet, I guess, this wasn't enough to avoid the big C.
I wonder how many people have cancer without knowing it and without it developing into anything. When I had the biopsy 15 years ago and they found LCIS cells I asked: "How do you know that this is abnormal? Suppose you did a biopsy of every 44 year old woman..... how do you know they wouldn't all have these cells??" They thought that was a good question, but they had no answer. It's all a big mystery. Like the Twilight Zone. I've entered the hidden portal.
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