Later that day.....

February 11, 2010. Evening.....

The second time you're told you need a biopsy -- and notice how no-one says: "We think you may have cancer so we need to take a slice from your body and look at it through a microscope so that you can sweat and torture your mind while we figure it out" --- you're not quite as worried as you were the first time. At least, I wasn't. First of all, the little lump (which I hadn't even noticed) was painful so it must be a benign cyst. Second of all, last time I had a biopsy, there wasn't anything serious, so why should this be any different?

That said, you do still think about it. A lot. The sword of Damocles has started to swing, goshdarnit! All sorts of things go through your mind. "Thank goodness the kids are older, all grown up and functional." "Last time was nothing, ditto this time." "I know I'm fine, therefore I am fine." But a little doubt starts to creep in and it's hard to shut your brain down.

I was teaching that night and that kept my mind off it, for the most part. But every now and then, the little idea that there was a problem jumped into my mind. A slight out of body experience. Looking down at me working the class and thinking, Hmmmm, they don't know you have to have a biopsy. How can I be acting so normal? Should I be freaking out? No, not in my nature. I started to feel as if I were in the Twilight Zone.