It's no wonder everyone's hooked on pain pills!

March 5, 2010

I'd had a crazy morning inspecting hospital machines and being threaded with wires, so by the time I finally made it to the OR holding pen, I was looking forward to a nap. I'd just dozed off when an old friend, Angela, came charging up, clipboard in hand and hoping that the Fenella on her list wasn't me. I was thrilled to see her. "What the heck are you doing here?", we asked each other. Turns out Angela is now working here, calming patients with her warm efficiency. And we all know what I was doing there!

All of a sudden it was action stations around my bed as an army of women wheeled me into the brightest room I've ever seen. For a brief moment I thought we were in a glass house, but no time to dwell on that because I was heaved onto the table, velcroed down ----- and the next thing I heard was a baby crying!

For a ghastly moment, I lay there in a my post-surgical fog trying to remember if I'd been pregnant that morning - and wondering if it was a boy or a girl. Something was wrong. The next time I surfaced, I realized, thank heavens, that the baby belonged to someone else. I can't tell you my relief. That was easily the scariest part of the day!!

When you're in that drugged twilight la-la-land it isn't easy to keep things straight. But you can still think, right? So when the nurse asked me if I was in pain, and I said no, what earthly reason could she have had to put a dose of morphine into my IV? "I don't want it", I said, or maybe I was mumbling and she didn't understand. "Don't worry, sweetie, it'll make you feel better".

1. Please do not call me sweetie unless you've known me for a very long time. It is intensely irritating and extremely condescending. I have polled my friends, and they all agree.

2. If I tell you I'm not in pain, trust me, I'm not in pain. I am not a superhero. So don't drug me.

3. Prescription strength painkillers are highly addictive. Don't stick that stuff in my IV, especially if I don't want it. PLUS, I got charged for that dose. More about medical charges in a future blog.

4. I was given two separate prescriptions for super-duper extra strength knock you out pills. I can't take that stuff. It makes me feel awful. Extra-strength Tylenol is just as good!

Never mind whether I like these pills or not, the point is that all this stuff is highly addictive AND not necessarily needed. Maybe I have a high pain threshold, I don't know. But I can tell you that Tylenol worked just fine to take the edge off and I didn't need anything else. But they give you the stuff anyway. It's no wonder that people get addicted to pain pills! All you have to do is look pathetic and say, ouch, and bingo, you score a week's supply of Vicodin. This is not a good thing. I'm making a protest!!